“What matters TO you” vs “what’s the matter WITH you”
There is power in perspective
Imagine that you’re walking into a coaching session, feeling overwhelmed with stress and fatigue. You list out your struggles—poor sleep, constant exhaustion, difficulty sticking to an exercise routine. You brace yourself for what you expect: a rundown of everything you’re doing wrong—a long to-do list of fixing bad habits—and a dose of guilt washes over you for not being “disciplined enough.”
But instead, your coach asks: "What matters most to you right now?"
This small shift in perspective can make a world of difference. Instead of dwelling on what’s wrong, whole health coaching centers around what truly matters to you—your values, your motivations, and your vision for well-being. That might mean focusing on the immediate challenges in front of you, like getting through a big work presentation, managing exhaustion when all the kids are sick, or staying grounded during final exams. Or it could mean looking ahead—building strength as you age, staying active enough to travel, or living well to see your grandchildren graduate. When your health choices align with what matters most, they become more meaningful—and more sustainable.
For too long, wellness has been approached with a deficit-based mindset, centering around what’s broken and needs fixing. That is the wellness industry trickles down from the exact same healthcare philosophy: find and fix what’s wrong. While diagnosing medical conditions is crucial for treatment and saving lives, the way we frame those conditions—and the path forward—matters just as much as the treatment itself. Whole health coaching takes a different approach, helping individuals reclaim autonomy, motivation, and sustainable well-being by focusing on meaning, purpose, and strengths… not just struggles.
The Deficit-Focused Approach: “What’s the Matter WITH You?”
For decades, the dominant narrative has focused on problems, symptoms, and fixing what’s wrong. This perspective, while valuable in saving lives in an acute care setting, can become limiting when applied to long-term well-being or even chronic conditions.
Consider someone who struggles with fatigue and low energy. A deficit-focused approach might sound like this:
“You’re not getting enough exercise, and your diet is poor.”
“You need to cut out sugar and caffeine.”
“Your stress levels are too high, and you should be managing them better.”
And as a result, a health coach might home in on each area of weakness, attempting to correct what is perceived as “bad behavior.” While these statements may be true in some capacity, they create a negative feedback loop—one that positions the person as failing rather than capable of change. The result? Overwhelm, guilt, and often inaction.
This approach can be especially discouraging for individuals managing chronic conditions. Someone with an autoimmune disease might hear:
“You need to lose weight or this will get worse.”
“Your symptoms are a result of your choices.”
“If you don’t change, you’ll have long-term consequences.”
Again, the intent behind these statements isn’t wrong—lifestyle changes can support better health outcomes—but the way they are framed can feel disempowering and create resistance rather than motivation, especially when life circumstances become difficult.
The Empowerment Approach: “What Matters TO You?”
Whole health coaching shifts the conversation. Instead of starting with what’s wrong, it begins with what’s important.
Imagine a coaching session where the same person struggling with fatigue is met with a different conversation:
Coach: "When do you feel your best? What activities make you feel energized?"
Client: "When I’m outside, playing with my dog, or when I’m spending time with my family."
Coach: "Let’s build more of that into your life. How can we make small changes that align with your energy and priorities?"
By focusing on what invigorates you, rather than what’s draining you, whole health coaching helps create solutions that fit within someone’s reality instead of against it.
For someone managing a chronic condition, the shift might look like this:
Instead of “You need to lose weight,” → “What activities help you feel strong in your body?”
Instead of “If you don’t change, things will get worse,” → “What would thriving with this condition look like for you?”
By shifting the focus to what’s possible, rather than what’s wrong, you are more likely to make meaningful, sustainable changes.
Shifting the mindset
Many people struggle with an all-or-nothing approach to wellness; I’ve certainly struggled that way. It is common to believe you must be perfect, or you’ve failed. Whole health coaching helps break this pattern by reframing the way you approach their challenges.
Example 1: Overcoming Exercise Burnout
Deficit-Based Approach: “You need to exercise more. You should go to the gym five days a week.”
Whole Health Approach: “What kind of movement do you enjoy? Let’s build from there.”
A woman who used to love dancing but feels stuck in a routine of forced workouts may discover that returning to movement that excites her makes all the difference. Instead of pushing through uninspired gym sessions, she starts attending dance classes twice a week. Over time, she feels stronger, has more energy, and naturally integrates more movement into her life.
Example 2: Stress & Sleep Struggles
Deficit-Based Approach: “You need more sleep because it’s affecting your health.”
Whole Health Approach: “What evening rituals make you feel relaxed and at peace?”
A busy entrepreneur struggling with stress and sleep issues might realize that reading fiction before bed and turning off notifications an hour earlier is more realistic than trying to force an elaborate nighttime routine. This simple shift leads to better rest and more productive days.
Why This Matters: Whole Health in the Bigger Picture
This strength-based, values-driven approach isn’t just about personal well-being—it’s gaining traction in healthcare and wellness spaces at large. The Veterans Health Administration (VHA) has integrated this Whole Health Model via patient-driven care that considers values, purpose, and personal goals rather than just disease management.
Research shows those who feel a sense of purpose in their wellness journey are more likely to:
Stick with healthy habits long-term.
Experience lower levels of stress-related illness.
Have better overall quality of life.
By integrating what matters most into health coaching, individuals become active participants in their well-being rather than passive recipients of wellness culture “advice”.
Shift into a Whole Health Mindset Today
If you find yourself stuck in a cycle of self-criticism or frustration with your health, try these three simple mindset shifts:
Reframe Your Inner Dialogue
Instead of “I have to start eating better”, try “I feel my best when I nourish my body.”
Instead of “I need to fix my sleep schedule”, try “Rest is important to me because it gives me energy for what I love.”
Define What Wellness Means to YOU
What activities, foods, and habits make you feel your best?
What small change could you make today that aligns with your values?
Find a Support System that Focuses on What Matters to You
Whether through coaching, community, or self-reflection, surround yourself with positive reinforcement rather than deficit-focused narratives.
Whole health coaching isn’t about ignoring real health challenges—it’s about reframing them in a way that fosters motivation, resilience, and long-term success.
Instead of focusing on what’s going badly, start with what’s going well.
Instead of fixing what’s broken, let’s build on what already works.
Instead of asking "What's the matter with you?", let’s ask, "What truly matters to you?"
If you’re ready to take a values-driven approach to your well-being, let’s talk. Book a free consultation and start designing a life that supports your health in a way that makes sense for YOU.
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